i feel like i'm the only one
but who's counting?

please

give it up like it were the last day of classes
give it up like you were born classless
give it up

sometimes i wonder if i weren't so modern
would i work so hard for the little that i earn?
if i were raised all alone by a single mother
would i still grow up to tell stories like my father?

could we please just take a good hard look at this?
you're looking for something more miscellaneous
but you're scared of the uncharted and mysterious
sometimes i think you just want to be a pessimist

i don't mean to be so egregious
but i'm in no position right now to pledge my allegiance

give it up like the digits on your credit card
give it up like an all-star point guard
give it up

i think i'm entitled to what i've paid for
what good are locks and keys if i don't have the door?
let's go back to the track where we were competitors
tell me how are you not getting high off this ladder?

if i could be anybody else but me
would i still want to live to a hundred and three?
are my troubles still internal and monetary?
maybe i should push myself onto the scenery

i don't mean to be so egregious
but i'm in no position right now to pledge my allegiance

give it up

give it up like they do on the television screen
give it up like the goal post junkies and the o.d. drama queens
give it up

for no reason i have a confession to make
i have everything you'll ever need to take

because you call my name without its flaws
you take my hand despite my claws

and prove
i have so much to lose
there's a risk added onto
the reason to move

in the countless amounts of books i have read
i thought i had seen every word ever said

but then you speak to me right at my side
you show me things you can't hide

whenever i find myself away from you now
i try not to think of you leaving me somehow

i'm hoping no harm will come to either of us
but if it has to be one i won't make a fuss

because you call my name without its flaws
you take my hand despite my claws

and prove
there's so much to lose
there's a risk added onto
the reason to move

it's sad that i am so prepared
let's just say i wasn't scared

i appreciate the effort
i appreciate the good times
i do

i figure you're gonna be sad
for the record we'll just say that i'm mad

i understand your restrictions
i understand your position
i do

new york isn't so far away
i'll pack the furniture and plates

i remember the covered bridge
i remember you were so scared
i do

the bedroom is a neutral ground
where the wounds make another sound

i don't believe you were alone
i believe what you're not telling me, yeah
i do 

you don't have to say much at all
with your bags up against the wall

i enjoy the mythology
i enjoy the taste of whiskey
i do

you don't owe me anything
except for the decency
to not make a scene

it's sad that you're under prepared
but this isn't a mistake we can share

i know how to touch where it hurts
i say the right thing when it counts
i do

much

then
if the snow doesn't fall
we'll silence ourselves
i'll cover my face
with whatever is handy
you
you keep the faith
with whatever is handy
we can rename the days of the week
the months
i'll give you the choices
that you don't have
then you'll be just as i am
a resource and a ritual short

you stop all you can
bringing riches up from the well
laying stories down on the fire

since
we only want what's best
there is time to rust
you'll say life is short
when it has been proven
i will buy snake oil
when it has been proven
i'm still trying
to meet you in the middle
but the line's engaged
and the maps are faded
and you'll be just as i am
a resource and a ritual short

you start all you can
bringing riches up from the well
laying stories down on the fire
turning yours into ours

we are creatures of habit

blurs in the congregation

and preachers on the sabbath

we are troubled by the creation

of machines that think faster than us

we are doubled by the belief that

nothing matters more than us

sitting under kitchen tables

listening to mother's fables

drenched in more than we care to chew

and lies built so stable they're true

pictures of selfish skeletons

like our next of kin

happy to grin along with the victims

i couldn't imagine

i could only imagine

a matter of opinion

  i was taken out today by my parents to a lovely garden. lush droves of orange, blue, yellow, and pink flowers hoarded the field. we chatted calmly about plastic things and the state of grandfather's legs; they had never been very dependable. mother sauntered at the head of our group, dictating our direction and most of the conversations. i was too intoxicated by the aromatic sights and comfortably hot temperature to care. father's head seemed to have drifted off somewhere before the jasmine and after the lilies. his silent agreement was in tune with his vapid smile which was as sickly twisted as the vines invading every space they could touch. a low hum of insects traversed the sky and filled the gaps in our conversations. moist air ensured the time of day and every step on the crowd of grass was as buoyant as our concerns. mother wished she could steal but one charming flower. it would make such a beautiful addition to her dinning room.

  as she knelt down to inspect a rather flamboyant orchid, a single black and yellow wrapped wasp emerged from its petals. i watched it dart heedlessly around mother's head as she crouched and aimlessly defended herself by raising her arms and standing perfectly still. father and i watched as mother imitated a shop mannequin with no real cause for intervention. she neither expressed a desire for nor seemed to need it. then, five more wasps poured out from the bulb. as their predecessor, they swirled around mother lazily posing no immediate threat, but instead, seemed to be sizing her up. at this point father had walked up behind mother and began thwarting the pests. they seemed unphased and continued their inane flying. i glanced at the host plant to witness the advent of more wasps emerging. but there were none. instead, a neighboring tulip began to shiver. it shook for a time, and then spawned vertically a black split hoof. the beast's leg extended as far up as it could go and then bent down to settle on the ground. next came the head of what was now apparently a chocolate-brown stallion. the flower swelled and stretched as if made of rubber to accommodate the birth of its erroneous offspring. its body slithered out front limbs, head, body, then finally hind limbs until it stood fully upright in the midst of the bed of flowers. father gasped. mother unconsciously lowered her arms and dilated her pupils. the group of wasps still meandered in the immediate air around us. soon, we saw a rose begin to quake. then a mum, and a hyacinth. from a nearby poppy stemmed a full grown swine. a group of irises hatched seven white mice who scurried around the increasing amount of creatures' legs. giraffes, rhinoceroses, wolves, hawks, bears, and serpents paraded around the grounds in front of our eyes. blurs of stripes and whiskers encompassed us as we watched the once expansive plot of gardens being desecrated by the parade of frenzied animalia. an elephant approximately fifty yards east swayed its trunk in the air and let out an alarming screech. a pair of tigers were digging their fangs and claws into its rough hide. blood streamed down its body as it collapsed and its eyes rolled back into its head. a boisterous monkey came to join the feast as did a nearby penguin and three dart frogs. various sized shreds of flesh and membrane splattered heedlessly towards us. more beasts came to partake in the gorging.

  "well", father submitted, "today is as good as any to visit the zoo".

so put the pills in the basket
they'd better be good to mask it
the skulls rattle when they're absent
it's better if they ask for it

got a plan to change the sands
i woke up in five strange lands
saw words of a foreign man
things he built without his hands

crawling bodies on the floor
greedy tired wanting more
aliens beyond the door
never try never explore

things are looking pretty grim
for my friends who cannot swim
their old house lights are all dim
and the walls are caving in

puppets and bibles
vulnerable disciples
and when the time comes we'll just
say we couldn't help ourselves

a holy guilt-tripping hoax
preach less to those with the most
in glass houses filled with smoke
ruled by an angry ghost

the foreign man knows better
oceans from the stormy weather
away from the savage cage
no threats written on a page
no side of a war to wage
an age in which love is rage

puppets and bibles
vulnerable disciples
and when the time comes we'll just
say we couldn't help ourselves

extinguished

sally threw down on the table
the boots she found in the stable
rexford couldn't look at the boots
reason forfeits
jumps down the chutes

rexford tried for consolation
sally brought intimidation
the sentence wouldn't be so bad
if the boots weren't sally's dad's

unconvincingly
she says, "c'est la vie"

headlights pointed at power lines
silence as max and kathy dine
facetious bets and cigarettes
are as intimate as it gets

kathy drops her fork on purpose
so max bends to make it worth it
max is sick of kathy's complaints
so he leaves her with her restraints

unconvincingly
he says, "c'est la vie"

hard rainfall makes the seas wetter
you could stand to treat me better
a pistol and a pedigree
a man who speaks better than me

the threat in your eye you fancy
quietly waits to replace me
it could be to blame i suppose
for why we kiss with our eyes closed

unconvincingly
i say, "c'est la vie"

a pistol
a pedigree
a man who speaks better than me

you say i am the song that your heart sings
you say many things

you're finding out more than what you can see
you're finding out that it's more than just me

i need to know something
even if it's not a fact
to keep myself in line
and waiting to react

making myself more than you sick
just trying to stay on topic
rather than run and hide
are you on my side?

you've faced me standing with arms wide open
you've faced what i've been

i've pulled too many teeth i wish i'd kept
i've pulled my weight right up to your doorstep

it always seems so odd
when the darker instinct wins
to claim some sort of prize
before the fight begins

i have known your type of magic
a type of proud and useful trick
one that i should have tried
are you on my side?

you wish somehow my faith wasn't so small
you wish like us all

you don't speak when i tell you what i doubt
you don't speak of things you don't know about

if you're the one to take
the danger out of caution
then charter a new course
and draw me an ocean

you think i'm slowed down by questions
suspicion split into sections
that may not be implied
are you on my side?

the difference

enough
you said it loud and clear
the words came tumbling out
the desperation in your voice
it won't matter if they don't want to hear it

repair
the tools are all locked up
you let them dull and rust
but now it's time you feel to
use them instead of stories you wish were true

selfish
for no one else but you
to hell with what they do
they have shown you their backs
when they disapproved of your most honest face

a list
you make it all the time
it's burned inside your mind
but you leave it there unchecked
addicted to the peace from just having it

regret
your fill has just come up
nothing to do with luck
you know better than this so
yes it feels like this is somehow all your fault

replace
something that's worth its weight
you hope it can relate
if it won't then there's no chance
of keeping both you feet attached to you shins

you need to know what you're up against
man or machine
a wall or a dream
death or a scene
a fray or a seam

a blindfolded battle
emptying the saddle
i don't have to tell you how good it can feel

if you could make up your mind
i wouldn't have to give you a piece of mine

test drive
overdrive
override
never ever even tried

goodbye to all the people who told me to wait
goodbye to all the people who told me to love the hate

they told us we were here for a reason
they showed us that they needed us to save them
if it's not too much trouble
could you find the notes to play us off?
when you get a chance would you
put away your toys and pick up where we left off?

we can do it if we try
if we don't we still dissolve back into the earth
we're so sure we can somehow
because we remember hearing our mothers cry

come closer to me, child
there's a good chance you may have heard this one before
i confess we were reckless
that's why it pains me to watch you run into the wild

they made it clear that we're under the gun
they showed us that some day we'd be just like them

heathen

i want to be the man
who shakes the hand
that feeds the land
on which the greatest weight stands

i want to fear the force
that lights the north
and steers the course
without the chance for remorse

i want to hear the cries
that flood the skies
when the love dies
and cuts the hearts down to size

i want to know the need
that feeds the greed
to do the deed
in order to take the lead

i want to watch the flames
that eat the names
which play the games
that make us feel all the same

i want to kill the tell
the heat and smell
that wakes the hell
ready to buy the hard sell

pleasure looks down upon the earth
"where do i go from here?"
keep a piece of something easily forgotten
tell your body, "i will justify all your fears before i let you go rotten"

quiet relief diminishes
"i will be swallowed soon"
beware the beast who doesn't dread winter's approach
"i'm an illusion like the light of the moon coming forth to see what i can poach"

the fill and the fury agree
"we have done all we can"
imagine being put back together backwards
think to yourself when nobody's listening, "i wonder what will make my last words"

"i wonder how i'll make my last words"

not fiction II

tag it
mark it
stamp it
number it so you don't forget it

raise it
make it
build it
construct it so you won't avoid it

choose it
show it
prove it
defend it so they can't deny it

dig it
love it
have it
consume it so you can't refuse it

know it
own it
bleed it
become it so you aren't without it

something's missing
i must be lazy
cars are driving faster
it doesn't phase me

telephone rings
i couldn't care less
your voice is breaking up
the signal is stressed

put your coat on
the weather's changing
everything is poison
don't start complaining

walk the streets you grew up on
but you don't take a stand
set your eyes on the colors
but you don't understand

i can feel it in my bones when the words aren't spoken
doctor doctor something must be broken

things are filling up fast and shutting down
like the schools and minds we thought were so sound

we still live here
though we try not to
we tell our parents what
they said we should do

it's longer now
the road out of town
because there is no more
money in the ground

our friends are bored
stuck in their bedrooms
losing the words they've used
waiting their turns to fill a tomb

things are filling up fast and shutting down
like the schools and minds we thought were so sound

i can feel it in my bones when the words aren't spoken
doctor doctor something must be broken

walk the streets you grew up on
but you don't take a stand
set your eyes on the colors
but you don't understand

ogger

you shift and blink
i'm spilling ink

more than you think

twenty-six-years-old and you never never never do as you're told
five-foot ten inches tall and you haven't learned how to break your own fall?

putting on the long face
catching nothing you chase
got them off of your case
just to be frightened by all the negative space

better get it straight

born in a county hospital so you think you're clean as a whistle
blond hair blue-eyed and now you can't even believe how hard they have tried

throwing rocks through windows
guarding what you expose
cleaned a spoon with your nose
hey, man what can i tell you that's just how it goes

better get it straight
while you can still relate

the very spitting image of youth on a tether tied to a bridge
a product of excuses you never never said you were useless

beaten down by a stare
shrinking down in your chair
crossed out who wasn't there
and oh my god isn't it all just so unfair?

better get it straight
while you can still relate

take some time to worry
because it's worth the wait

+

on the back porch away from the sounds of the traffic
you're sitting still while your head makes you seasick

you're as tense as the ice resting between your gin
your chest is swelling, aching and your lips are thin

counting on me to come outside and find you there
to follow the direction of your wounded stare

but i'm much too preoccupied at the moment
reading the letter to him that you never sent

you pray this is just small enough for me to take
and i wonder if this wasn't all by mistake

the shame of being caught out making your skin crawl
isn't it the only reason you're crying at all?

there's nothing left for you to justify or save
it's one less secret you'll be taking to the grave

you don't have to apologize for what i've seen
i'm already in the bathroom washing my hands clean

this pain and fear that you're feeling right now, right here
should have been what stopped you first when i wasn't near

i don't need to hear you're sorry or see your tears
though you don't for me, i hope i make myself clear

this isn't worth me being hurt over
i'm not the one who's losing a lover

daybreak sentiments
versus
nightfall laments


a mix
a mess
a fix
a test


say nothing
say anything
say the walls come crashing down upon your head
say something

cozy little this world
lazy little that world
slipping through the palm of my hand

selfish little bright boy
stupid little loved boy
holding out the palm of his hand

silly little dreams dreamt
precious little means spent 
fitting in the palm of my hand

angry little real world
crazy little new world
reaching for the palm of my hand

sleeping with the lights on
fighting light off at dawn
doing the only thing he can

what's next?
what's left
behind me i can see for miles
the view ahead has been blocked for a while

broken little monster
breathing little monster
held you in the palm of his hand